Too late.

Text message to Grant: Take the elevator to the 8th floor. The door on the 9th floor doesn't open.

Text message from Grant: Too late. Now I'm stuck at 9 and it won't move at all.

Poor Grant had the dubious honor of being stuck in our elevator tonight. I'm not surprised. Even Grant wasn't surprised. If you've ever seen our elevator, I'm sure you're not surprised.

A few fast facts about our elevator:

• You have to wait for the second "clunk" when the elevator stops or you'll be stuck between two floors. If this happens, you have to go back to the first floor and then back up to the ninth.
• As a "safety" feature, you must hold the inner doors closed or the elevator will stop immediately.
• We have ten floors in our building, but the elevator only goes to the 9th floor.
• For a full month, the elevator was shut off because no one had paid. We have a double amputee who lives on the 7th floor.
• Sometimes you push the button and the elevator starts. Sometimes you have to push the button and hold it. There doesn't seem to be a pattern. If you have to hold the button, you can't let go on the way up or you'll stop immediately.
• If one of the outer doors is left open on any random floor, the elevator will not work from any floor.
• Written on the elevator wall in permanent marker are two phone numbers in case the elevator is broken. No one answered one of them when I called today. The other is no longer in service.
• We learned tonight that there is a secret emergency handle that Grant could have used to open the door. Our neighbor was shocked that we had used the elevator for two years without knowing about this.
• Despite all this, people are still confused when we decide to climb the stairs if the elevator is actually running.